How to perform CPR, by Jack Shephard:
- Become extremely frustrated and breathe heavily.
- Punch patient repeatedly in the chest. If you can hear ribs cracking, you’re doing it right.
- Repeatedly yell COME ON. COME OOOON. COME ON. Put Gob Bluth to shame.
- Lose hope and begin Jearing.
- Still Jearing? Good.
- Jear some more for good measure.
- Suddenly regain hope and continue punching patient in the chest.
- Save the world.
- Tell everyone about that one time you gave someone CPR and saved their life for the rest of time.
- Accuse anyone who disputes your claim of being drunk.